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For the second time this week, my pants have cling.
And we're not talking "static" cling, as this appears oddly to be a case of ACTUAL cling.
Here's the dealio. So I didn't feel like wearing a suit. And I didn't want to wear the same pants I wore yesterday, considering yesterday's previous-day-worn shirt mishap. So that left me with either blatantly break the dress code rules or wear one of my three pairs of "business casual" pants which in reality should be referred to only as "Spring" or "Summer" pants. It is a stretch to even suggest they might be "Fall" pants and given that it's 25 degrees outside today, well, "Fall" is not exactly what you'd call the weather.
However, I find that as long as you are mostly double-layered, the pants are wearable for the short periods of outdoor commuting required by one's daily life. No dillydallying, no leisurely strolls in the brisk outdoors, just walk/train to work and walk/train to home.
So the part of the thin pants that are covered up by the coat are fine. And the part where socks lie underneath is fine. It's just that expanse between that suffers. Solution: knee socks! I'm not sure there is anything I love more than wool knee-socks (what a crock of shit that was, there are so many things I love more, starting with chocolate cake, of course), and if you (like the author of this post!) are too lazy to do your own knitting, I have bought a few really well made pairs from Eddie Bauer and J.Crew (although the J.Crew ones are so snug around the calf that I sport argyle imprints on my legs hours after taking them off...).
Hence the problem ensues. Somehow the fabric of these pants, and also of those I wore earlier in the week although they do not appear to be of the same fiber type at all, finds wool to be so goshdarned attractive of a fiber that it bonds right to it. Not like static where here and there you acquire some odd wrinkle where the two fabrics thrust lightning bolts at each other. This is full on clung together, no static to remove, just bonding like a pair of kindergarteners over their peanut butter & jelly sandwiches. (Oh how old school; there I go revealing my age again. One knows you can't bring peanut butter to schools these days, what with the sudden and unexplainable surge of the peanut allergy. God help us, we're so happy to have escaped that fate. Life without peanutbutter? Unknowable!)
So from the knee up, I am a normal pants wearer. And from the knee down, my pants appear to be forming themselves into jodphurs; molding themselves to my curvy lower legs, of their own accord.
It's quite the sexy beguiling look, I must tell you. In fact, I won't be surprised if I start a trend, and find other young ladies accosting me on the streets, asking how exactly I get my pants to form this attractive look. Is it double sided tape? Magnets attached to both layers? However do I do it?
Clearly this will make me even more irresistible than prior to the cling. I expect to be married off by tomorrow, or at least sorting through proposals. Catch me while you can, boys!
Posted by Duff at November 02, 2006
You can't take peanut butter to school anymore? What? When did this happen?
Posted by: Mary at November 2, 2006 03:14 PM
oh yeah dude it's nuts. i'm hearing about it from all my parent friends. especially when they're responsible for snack day!
Posted by: Duff. at November 2, 2006 03:27 PM
Hey -- that look sounds so fetching, but crazy cure for static: rub hand lotion on your hands, but not all the way in, then rub hands on inside of pants. Have you heard of it? It works! (Reading this post was much more fun than preparing for class, but now I'm really off...)
Posted by: Mary at November 2, 2006 03:50 PM
yeah that works for STATIC, dude.
but unfortunately what i have is not static!
Posted by: Duff. at November 2, 2006 04:16 PM
Oh my god -- I'm sitting here laughing my ass off. You are too funny! It's so cold here though, I can see why you lived through this non-static cling hell in an effort to stay warm. (And yeah -- what's up with the peanut allergies now? I don't get it. Did they exist when were were young and did all the children with peanut allergies stay locked up indoors away from the rest of our heathen pb&j selves?)
Posted by: Julie at November 2, 2006 05:15 PM
Didn't you watch Project Runway? It's the *Laura* effect...jodphurs for everyone!
Posted by: Jan at November 2, 2006 06:16 PM
Well I'd try some different layers. First start with some nice warm tights - maybe not wool tho considering your "problem" with the cling. Then I'd move onto knee length boots of a leather product. These shouldn't cling to your trousers at all.
The next step is to go to www.landsend.com and have some pants custom made to your measurements right this very second. They're very reasonably priced and will be easy to give away when you reach your goal. Do it now!
Posted by: Sil at November 2, 2006 09:26 PM
hmmm sounds like a look i need to try out.
yeah whatever.
damn those kids by the way who can't eat peanuts. IT'S ALL OF THAT DISINFECTANT PEOPLE!!! LET YOUR KIDS EAT DIRT AND LET THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEMS ACTUALLY WORK ON SOMETHING.
Posted by: maryse at November 3, 2006 01:31 PM
too funny. i wish i had a solution to offer. oh, maybe this would work? there's some kind of silicone product that you spray on dogs when there's snow out. because, if my dog, who has a bit of long hair on his legs, goes out in the snow, it collects in snow balls all in his fur. the spray might slick-em up your sock enough that they don't grab your trousers.
Posted by: bekka at November 3, 2006 03:53 PM