May 31, 2006

Blue M&Ms - I'm so before your time.

Not only is there still something just SO WRONG about the fact that the poor little tan M&Ms were forced out, but I'm not thinking the future looks bright for yellow or dark brown either.

Take this randomly selected, standard bag of plain M&Ms:
5 red.
5 dark brown.
7 green.
8 yellow.
11 orange.
19 blue.

Nineteen fucking blue ones. There was a time, oh I remember it well, when the packs were 90% "the basics" (tan, dark brown, yellow and orange) with a few rare green ones thrown in. Seriously, only one or two green a pack. The introduction of red didn't bother me since SUPPOSEDLY the reason red was missing was b/c the previous red dye was carcinogenic. Fine. So you add red. So maybe you would get 3 red and 2 green in a pack. If you were lucky.

But this blue bullshit is just wrong. They don't even taste the same.

Dark brown M&Ms, you're a dying breed. I wish you luck.

Posted by Duff at 01:52 PM | E-Mail | Comments (0) | Permalink | filed under Too Good to Delete

May 30, 2006

Old dog, old tricks.

Dear Cranky Monkey Butt,

Never buy special limited edition Kitkats for your dad if you are not sending them RIGHT THEN because you know what will happen? YOU WILL EAT THEM YOURSELF. Or at least some of them.

Sincerely,
haven't we been over this before?
yourself.

Posted by Duff at 12:24 PM | E-Mail | Comments (0) | Permalink | filed under Letters, Remember, Too Good to Delete

May 10, 2006

I am such a good cousin. And - Boys Suck. As usual.

Here's an email response I wrote for one of my cousins who has a jackhat sending her the most ridiculous emails on earth. The items in bold = those are where I am quoting him back at him.

Dear [name removed to protect the GUILTY],

When I said "I won't meet up with you for dinner", I was being honest to where my feelings were at the time, but not entirely true of my overall feelings about you. I did not mean "I won't meet up with you for dinner next week", I meant "I do not want to see you, speak to you, or get emails from you ever again." By "next week", I meant "for eternity." By "I won't meet up with you," I meant "I do not want you in my life." I just thought you should know that--however hurtful it may be. I just have a difficult time understanding when there are what I perceive as conflicting desires. I'm sorry for how I've interpreted my feelings.
I hope they are clear to you now.

Sincerely,
please do not contact me ever again, stupid moron,
[name removed to protect the INNOCENT].

Posted by Duff at 11:40 AM | E-Mail | Comments (0) | Permalink | filed under Letters, Too Good to Delete

January 11, 2006

"Arrogantly sour magic."

An accurate description of my personality? Or just an anagram of my name? You be the judge.

(Thx for the link, Words & Things.)

Posted by Duff at 09:52 AM | E-Mail | Comments (0) | Permalink | filed under Too Good to Delete